Falling For The Mom-To-Be (Maple Springs #1) Page 17

  Watching Annie’s spirit shrivel up and die was certainly no prize. Misplaced guilt was an ugly thing to behold.

  “Annie, I’m sorry.” He reached for her again.

  She sidled away from him looking wary and afraid. “I think it’s time I went home.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Annie wanted to be sick. Sitting in the passenger side of Matthew’s truck, she stared out the window at the blazing sunset streaking across the sky in ribbons of orange and pink. It took effort to ignore the sweet scent of strawberry-rhubarb pie seeping out from under its plastic wrap making her already tense stomach coil tighter.

  Had she encouraged Matthew somehow while Jack was alive? They’d always joked around, but had he taken that as something else? Memories flashed through her mind, but nothing struck her. Matthew had always made her laugh, but he’d never been anything but respectful toward her. He’d treated her like a friend—always a friend and nothing more.

  How could he have always loved her?

  An odd image suddenly sprang to life. Not so long ago, during the off-season when their freighter was laid up for winter, Matthew had stopped in to pick up Jack for something they’d planned to do.

  While Jack was changing his clothes, Matthew joined her in the kitchen as usual. They had always chatted comfortably before, even without Jack right there, but that one time they were quiet. That morning there’d been a current of tension in the room that she’d shrugged off as her imagination.

  “He cares for you. I think he always has.”

  Ginger had been right all along. That red letter sewn across her heart exploded back to life with a sharpness that took her breath away.

  But she hadn’t been attracted to Matthew until recently. She’d never wanted his attention before...

  “I loved Jack, too, you know.” Matthew’s voice was soft and intruded on her thoughts.

  “I know.” She glanced at him.

  “I’d never have come between the two of you. I’d have transferred and moved away before causing either of you trouble.”

  Her heart twisted. She missed her husband more than ever. What she wouldn’t give for Jack’s quiet assurance. His wisdom. She’d never been the clinging type, had never once bawled over Jack leaving, but tonight she might.

  Over Matthew.

  He had come between them. When Jack died, Matthew had stepped in. Her stomach turned again.

  In the morning, Matthew would join his freighter in port and wouldn’t be back for months. And then what?

  If Ginger had seen through Matthew’s feelings, had everyone else? She didn’t want anyone ever doubting her love for Jack. But more so, she didn’t want her son wondering if maybe the rumors had been true. Rumors that would stick if she didn’t stay away from Matthew.

  She closed her eyes.

  “Annie, I have no right to ask, but I want you to do something for me.”

  Tears threatened to choke her, so she nodded.

  “Please call my mom if you need anything. She’s there for you, no matter what.”

  Annie nodded again.

  “And pray. Ask God for direction. Not the opinion of Marie Marshall. Don’t take what she says as gospel truth.”

  Annie shifted as they pulled into her driveway. If Matthew realized what he’d give up to be with her, he’d take this chance and run. She wouldn’t blame him a bit if he did.

  Matthew sighed. “I hate leaving like this.”

  “I know.” Her doing. But it had to be done.

  His gaze searched hers.

  She had to get out or lose her resolve. Annie slipped to the ground from Matthew’s truck, but waited. “This is for the best.”

  He didn’t look convinced. “Maybe not.”

  She did her best to smile and failed. “Be careful, Matthew, and take care of yourself.”

  “You, too, Annie.”

  She closed the door and headed into her house. Their goodbye sounded so final. And that hurt, yet it felt right. As she flicked on a light, no other sound greeted her but the noise of Matthew’s truck pulling away. He was gone.

  She slid to the floor and cried.

  Never before had she felt so alone.

  * * *

  The following morning, Annie drove toward Jack’s parents’ house. Traffic crept along even though it was Sunday, Father’s Day. The campgrounds were already filling up with tourists. Several trucks with fifth wheels and campers pulled into the state park in front of her forcing her to slow down to a crawl. She wasn’t in the mood and glanced in her rearview mirror at the line of cars behind her.

  How far did Matthew have to drive to catch ship?

  She shook her head, hoping to clear him from her thoughts. Breaking it off was right for everyone. In time, maybe...

  A car horn blared, startling her to move ahead.

  She stopped at the bakery on the way and picked up a coffee cake she knew her father-in-law loved. She couldn’t leave things the way they were with Marie and wanted to announce her news to Jack’s dad in person.

  Taking a deep breath, she knocked on their front door. No answer. Jack’s parents were early risers. Surely they hadn’t left for the nine o’clock summer service at their church.

  Annie knocked again.

  The door opened and Marie’s eyes widened. “Annie.”

  She plastered on a smile and raised the bakery box. “Can I come in?”

  “Yes, of course.” Marie stepped back. “We were just sitting down to breakfast. Have you had yours?”

  “No.” Annie wasn’t sure she could eat anything.

  “Then join us.” Marie’s voice sounded softer than normal.

  “Maybe.” Annie took a deep breath and entered.

  She was here to make amends, so eating breakfast might have to be part of that. Leaving her purse by the door, she followed Marie into the kitchen. It had been a while since her last visit and her throat immediately tightened. Hadn’t she’d cried enough already?

  She set the bakery box on the table and cleared her throat. “Morning, John. Happy Father’s Day.”

  His face brightened and he peeked inside. “You remembered.”

  “Of course.” Annie slipped into a chair. The familiar scent of melted margarine and fried bacon wrapped around her. For once, it comforted rather than repulsed.

  Jack’s father was close to seventy. John Marshall had retired as a merchant marine captain years ago, but he kept tabs on freighters through an online website. He also tuned into life on the Great Lakes with a marine radio scanner.

  Much to Marie’s irritation, the scanner was on this morning, crackling to life with various mates and captains checking traffic conditions at the Soo.

  “John, please turn that thing off,” Marie said.

  The deep lines in his weathered face crinkled as he winked at Annie. But he did what his wife told him and clicked off the radio. Then he smiled. “Marie tells me you have some special news.”

  Annie glanced at Marie, who nodded. John wanted to hear it from her. “You’re going to be a grandpa come before Thanksgiving time.”

  John’s smile widened even more and his eyes teared up. “Jack would be proud, and so am I.”

  Great, now I’m really going to cry.

  “Thanks,” Annie whispered.

  “If you’ll pray, we can eat.” Marie set a platter of steaming eggs, bacon and hash browns on the table.

  Jack’s father bowed his head. “Lord, we thank You for this food, but we thank You even more for the gift of life. May we not take any gift from You for granted. Amen.”

  “Amen,” Annie and Marie echoed in unison.

  “Go ahead and dig in. You need to feed that baby.” Marie patted her shoulder before sitting down across from her husband.

 
Annie stared at the grease-laden food. Marie fried her eggs in bacon grease. Jack had loved his mother’s heavy breakfasts and had often complained that Annie wouldn’t make them. She’d never been able to eat pork, and bacon grease didn’t exist in her world. Funny, but all those healthy meals she’d forced on Jack hadn’t helped him a bit in the end.

  Annie scooped up one egg and a spoonful of potatoes. “Thanks.”

  “Coffee cake?” John had a cut a small slice that dripped with cherries, almonds and icing.

  Annie lifted her plate to accept it. “Yes, please.”

  Marie smiled at her. Actually smiled!

  Maybe what Matthew had said was true. Could Marie’s harsh words have been more about her own hurt, than gospel truth? She peeked at the clock on the wall that read eight-thirty. Even if she missed her own church service at ten, Annie aimed to find out. But first, she’d have to choke down a greasy egg.

  “Weather’s been good,” John said. “How’s that garden of yours coming along?”

  Annie forced a smile. The memory of Matthew tilling up the soil made her want to weep. “Just fine.

  “What did you plant?” Marie asked.

  Annie filled them in and then they fell into an awkward silence as they finished eating. Finally, Annie stood to help clear the table.

  “I can take care of this if you need to leave.” Marie headed for the sink.

  She hesitated, dish in hand. “Do you want me to leave?”

  Marie stared her down.

  This time, Annie didn’t flinch or look away. She simply stayed quiet and waited.

  “No, Annie. I don’t want you to leave.”

  “I’m going to fill the bird feeders.” John gave his wife a pointed look.

  The tension smoldered in the room.

  Marie smoothed the front of her apron over and over. “Annie, about the other day, I may have jumped to the wrong conclusions...”

  Annie wanted to scream out how much that had hurt. But then Marie hadn’t been the only one who’d gone there. And Annie had needed a wake-up call.

  “Matthew’s gone on the lakes, but I broke it off.”

  Marie’s eyes narrowed. She rinsed a dish and handed it to her. “Why?”

  Annie wasn’t used to sharing personal things with her mother-in-law. Placing the plate in the dishwasher’s bottom rack, she thought about how to best answer the question and decided on the simple truth. It all boiled down to one thing. “I still love Jack.”

  Steam circled around Marie’s arms as she rinsed another dish and handed it over. Her mother-in-law looked pleased but also sad. “You’ll always love Jack. That won’t go away. But I think you made a wise decision.”

  Annie thought so. But that didn’t make it hurt any less. Time away was a good thing, but scary, too. Given time to step back and really think, Matthew might realize he wanted a family of his own and a wife young enough to give him one.

  Chapter Fourteen

  September

  Matthew stood on deck. The dark waters of northern Lake Superior churned and a three-quarter moon illuminated the sky overhead along with a scatter of stars. The cool night air of early September chilled, but he didn’t go inside. Not yet. He had forty-five minutes before he needed to report for his watch. At three in the morning, he should still be tucked into his warm bunk, asleep.

  These days sleep never came quick during down time. His nagging conscience made sure of that. Thoughts of Annie tore at his waking hours, too. She hadn’t been the one to betray Jack. He had. He’d fallen for Annie long before he’d admitted it. Even to himself.

  Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.

  His stomach pitched as it always did when he thought about breaking the tenth commandment. Oh, he’d made his peace with God and even Jack out here in the wee hours. But Matthew felt the need to lash his back a few times. And this morning was one of those times. He didn’t deserve the forgiveness he knew he’d received.

  Bozia punish.

  His grandmother’s saying—used by his mother, too—referenced God by the Polish term. Was God truly punishing him for his sin or was losing Annie the consequence of his own ill-timed actions? Whatever it was, by admitting his feelings too soon, he’d pushed Annie away.

  Maybe for good.

  “You’re up early.” Wyatt, their temporary captain, handed him a steaming cup of coffee.

  Matthew took the cup with a grateful nod. “So are you.”

  Wyatt slapped him on the shoulder. “The older I get, the less sleep I need.”

  Matthew sipped the strong brew. “Thanks for this.”

  “You’re welcome. Something eating at you?”

  Matthew shrugged.

  “Can’t say when you’ll get a reprieve. With your replacement laid up, I’m going to need you for a while yet.”

  “That’s fine.” He had no one to go home to.

  Not that he had much choice in the matter, but if Annie wanted time apart, she’d have that and more. He’d abided by her no-call rule even though it killed him. There wasn’t much more to say that hadn’t been said, but he missed her voice. Her smile. Her.

  “Good thing Annie Marshall knows the drill.”

  Matthew looked sharp at the captain. “What makes you say that?”

  Wyatt rubbed his chin. “I heard the guys mention that you were seeing her. Makes sense. I understand you and Jack were pretty tight.”

  In his world, no one cared about their relationship. In Annie’s, it seemed as if everyone cared too much. At least, Annie thought so. “I was just helping her through a rough time.”

  Wyatt looked at him closely. “Take some advice from an old man?”

  Matthew hadn’t asked, nor did he want it, but he smiled, anyway. “What’s that?”

  “Life’s short. Folks dance around an opportunity too long and then it’s gone.”

  “Right. Thanks.” Matthew checked his watch. “I might as well check in.”

  Wyatt shook his head.

  Matthew wasn’t listening. Wouldn’t listen. He hadn’t waited and that’s what got him in trouble. He’d tried to grab his opportunity too soon, before Annie was ready for it. His impatience had only heaped guilt on her. Guilt she had no business feeling. He’d fallen for who she was, not because of any encouragement on her part.

  The only thing he could do now was wait and pray. He’d give Annie her space. He’d wait and hope she’d come to him when she was ready. No more pushing. And no more guilt.

  God knew his contrite heart. And the desires locked safely therein. This time, he’d wait on God’s mercy and grace to pave the way for him. He’d trust the time of punishment was past when Annie welcomed him back into her life.

  * * *

  “Phew! Done!” Ginger tossed the last paint brush into the bucket. “It looks really nice, too.”

  “I think so.” Annie scanned the nursery and smiled.

  They had painted the walls navy blue with screaming white trim. Even the wraparound shelf that John had made was bright white. And the perfect perch for Jack’s model ship. Marie and John had even purchased the white crib and matching changing table.

  “How about lunch on the back deck? I ordered from your favorite—Bernelli’s. We might as well enjoy this warmth while it lasts.” Annie adjusted the fat clip that held her hair.

  “Wow, thanks.”

  “No, thank you for helping me.” Annie rubbed her growing belly when she heard the doorbell ring and headed for the stairs.

  “I’m glad I can finally close the shop on Mondays and have two days off in a row like normal people.” Ginger had chosen to spend her Sunday and Monday painting the nursery.

  “I’m glad, too.” After Annie got home from her Monday morning dance class, they’d gone to work. “It’s nice when the summer
people return to where they come from. My classes are back to regular year-rounders.”

  Annie opened the front door, paid for the food and tipped the delivery guy. “Thanks.”

  This year, Annie was more grateful than usual for the end of summer. With Matthew gone on the lakes, the juicy gossip about them had dried up to nothing. No more raised eyebrows. She was simply a pregnant widow who garnered sympathy and well wishes. She’d even picked up a couple new ballet students who were year-round residents.

  Things had slowed into a new, more normal rhythm.

  Ginger poured two glasses of iced tea and then they ambled out onto the deck and ate lunch.

  Annie’s heart pinched when she looked over her still-flourishing garden. September days had been warm, but the nights grew chilly. The leaves had started to turn announcing that fall was on its way.

  “Have you heard from Matthew?”

  “No. I don’t expect to.” Annie had hoped to go through the day without mentioning him. But then Ginger wouldn’t leave the subject alone. In her opinion, Annie had made a mistake.

  “Why don’t you call him? You know you want to.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because it’s not right.”

  Ginger rolled her eyes. “This isn’t the old days when a woman had to wear nothing but black and mourn for a year.”

  “Well, maybe it should be. Jack’s memory deserves to be honored.”

  Ginger shook her head. “Don’t you think he’d be glad about you and Matthew?”

  “I don’t know.” She couldn’t shake the guilt that came with knowing how Matthew felt about her. How she felt in return so soon after Jack’s death.

  Was that really love...

  Annie had prayed, she’d counseled with her minister and she’d even joined an online support group of grieving widows and clarity still eluded. Several women who’d lost their husbands had confirmed her attraction to Matthew as a natural reaction to her loss. She simply missed her husband’s attention and Matthew was the closest one to Jack.

  Instead of helping, that common sense statement had condemned her even more.